The Most Personal Talk of My Career and the Personal Side of a Personal Brand
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Description
I am a big proponent of authenticity, and I describe authenticity as a scale. Vulnerability is different. I can decide whether I’m vulnerable or not, and while I share a lot with people, I don’t think many people get underneath the layers of Paula unless we are close or unless I’m being strategic about it. Giving the most personal talk of my career meant deciding I was going to let people underneath some of those layers.
I knew I wanted to do something that was going to stretch me, and this absolutely did. I went about preparing for this talk as if it was not emotional. I knew my points, I knew what I wanted to say, and I was holding myself to the very high standard I always have for how I show up. What truly made this different was the emotion. On the actual day, I had to honor the preparation but also honor the moment and give myself permission not to show up exactly the way I had planned.
In this episode of Branding Room Only, my coach, Jacquette M. Timmons, is turning the tables and interviewing me about that experience. We talk about why I decided I was ready to tell this story, how I prepared for a talk that stretched me in a completely different way, what happened when the delivery did not look exactly like I had planned, and what the experience taught me about vulnerability, credibility, and the personal side of personal brand.
Chapters
1:11 – Paula’s definition of personal brand and how she describes herself
5:03 – Growing up in a Caribbean neighborhood in Brooklyn and how it shaped Paula
7:43 – Why Paula was ready to tell a more personal story about her mother at PDC
16:33 – Letting go of memorizing the speech and embracing what stretched her as a speaker
20:57 – The difference between authenticity and vulnerability and Paula’s high standards for herself
25:11 – Opening the talk without distractions and letting the emotion shape the moment
30:05 – How her mother’s inclusivity became a leadership lesson that resonated with someone in the audience
36:08 – Giving herself permission not to show up exactly as planned
40:53 – How the experience expanded Paula’s thinking about personal brand
42:54 – Weighing the risks and rewards of sharing something vulnerable publicly
47:52 – Paula’s advice for doing the thing you’ve been hesitating to do
Mentioned In The Most Personal Talk of My Career and the Personal Side of a Personal Brand
What Losing My Mother on September 11 Taught Me About Leadership
Remembering Joan Donna Griffith 25 Years After September 11 with Peter L. Griffith
A Tribute to My Mother Joan Donna Griffith
Professional Development Consortium (PDC)
Curated Resources from Paula
Sign up for Paula’s Upcoming Events
Learn More About Paula's Personal Branding Strategy Session Offer
Subscribe to The Branding Room Only podcast on YouTube
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Sponsor for this episode
This episode is brought to you by PGE Consulting Group LLC.
PGE Consulting Group LLC empowers individuals and organizations to lead with purpose, presence, and impact. Specializing in leadership development and personal branding, we offer keynotes, custom programming, consulting, and strategic advising—all designed to elevate influence and performance at every level.
Founded and led by Paula Edgar, our work centers on practical strategies that enhance professional development, strengthen workplace culture, and drive meaningful, measurable change.
To learn more about Paula and her services, go to www.paulaedgar.com or contact her at info@paulaedgar.com, and follow Paula Edgar and the PGE Consulting Group LLC on LinkedIn.
Transcript
Paula T. Edgar: Welcome to Branding Room Only, the podcast where your personal brand gets a front row seat. I'm Paula T. Edgar and if you're here, it's because you know your brand isn't just about what you do. It's about how people experience you. In each episode, you'll hear stories, strategies and lessons from leaders and influencers who built their brands and made their mark. And I'll share the tools you need to do the same. Let's go.
Hi everybody, welcome back to the Branding Room. This is your host, Paula T. Edgar. But today we're going to do something a little bit different. The tables are going to be turned. So my coach, who you've met before, Jacquette M. Timmons, is going to be the person who is going to interview me today for this podcast about something that I experienced recently that we thought would be a good podcast episode. So Jacquette, take it away.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yay, I'm so excited for this, for the roles to be reversed on the podcast. And so let me actually begin with how you often begin, most of your podcasts, episodes and conversations, with the question of what does personal brand mean to you and how do you define it?
Paula T. Edgar: Personal brand means everything to me. The way I define it and my listeners have heard me say this before, but it's your magic. It is what people say about you, but it's also what you say about yourself and how those things kind of meet in the middle. It is a combination of your skills, your experiences, your je ne sais quoi, the values that you have, your personality and really the way you make other people feel. And the thing about a personal brand is that everybody has one, even if you're not developing it. And the question is, if you're not developing it, then you need to be, which is one of the reasons why I have this podcast, to make sure that people think about, reflect on and achieve a strong, authentic personal brand.
Jacquette M. Timmons: And we'll get into the authentic piece a little bit later on in our conversation. So another one of your favorite questions is, describe yourself in three words or short phrases.
Paula T. Edgar: Yes. So I've done this exercise a bajillion times, but reflecting on it for this conversation, I came up with this right before this. It's direct. engaging and informative. But I'm going to take my credit, because it's my podcast to give myself another one, which is two more, which is I'm a joyful truth teller and also a strategic connector. So I think those are really… encompass all the things and that particularly the joyful piece, because I try to be joyful and bring other people joy as well. So.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Oh, I love, love, love that. And I can attest to all of those descriptives.
Paula T. Edgar: You sure can.
Jacquette M. Timmons: But I love that. What is your favorite quote?
Paula T. Edgar: My favorite quote is something that my mother said to me when I was younger, which is, in this life, “you can be the wind or you can be the leaf.” And it basically just means that you can move with intention, when you are the wind, but when you are the leaf, you kind of let circumstances control you, versus taking as much control as you can. And, you know, as my therapist always says to me, you know, we don't actually have control over anything, but you can move with intention. And I take that into my work as an entrepreneur, into things that I do, when it comes to my personal brand as well. And I encourage other people to do it as well. We do have the ability to direct some things, even if we have control over very little.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right. We have agency.
Paula T. Edgar: Exactly. Exactly.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah. I was in a conversation a little bit before us getting on here and they were talking about how energy is in a very similar way. Like you can make it so that your energy influences how you experience the situation or you can blame the situation on energy and both can be a little true, right?
Paula T. Edgar: Yes, that is okay. Both can absolutely be a little true.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah. Something to sit with, right?
Paula T. Edgar: Yes.
Jacquette M. Timmons: What's your favorite hype song?
Paula T. Edgar: My hype song is and has been for a very long time, Prince, Baby I'm a Star. And when you see me getting on a stage, when I'm preparing for a long day of podcasts or business meetings, et cetera, to hype myself up, it is Prince, Baby I'm a Star. But I have another one that I don't talk about that often and that is Cassidy, I'm a Hustler. And that's the Mary J. Blige remix.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Okay.
Paula T. Edgar: And yeah, because I am a hustler.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Well, you say engage your hustle, right?
Paula T. Edgar: That’s right.
Jacquette M. Timmons: So it's apropos.
Paula Egar: Absolutely.
Jacquette M. Timmons: And then where did you grow up? And how did that shape you?
Paula T. Edgar: I grew up in Brooklyn, but I didn't grow up in the Brooklyn that I live in now. I grew up in the 75th Precinct, East New York, Brooklyn and in a very Caribbean neighborhood. My parents from Barbados in Jamaica, my grandparents, we bought the house where we lived, from Barbados. And how did it shape me? It was the start of the hustle. It was also the start of me understanding what the benefits of inclusivity are, because there was everybody, everybody who lived in the neighborhood or worked in the neighborhood. And you got to know how to navigate amongst people. I think a lot of the skill sets that I have now of being able to be in a lot of different groups and feel comfort is because I started to hone that skill as a child. But there's also the hustle and the grit of being from East New York, which is that, you know, you can't scam a scammer.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right, right.
Paula T. Edgar: I'm always a little bit suspicious about something. I don't give trust up front. You got to earn it with me. But I think the most thing that I got from growing up in East New York is while people talk about the hustle and the crime and the grit of it, what I experienced was a lot of love. And growing up in the 80s was… there was a lot of community parenting that happened. You know, I was, you know, Gen X, I was a latchkey kid. My parents were, you know, went to school in the evenings and, but I couldn't get away with anything bad, because people across the street would see me, the people down the street would see me. So what you're hearing from that is I did try to get away with things.
Jacquette M. Timmons: It wasn’t a lack of effort.
Paula T. Edgar: Right, exactly. But it did not work, because of the fact that, you know, that we lived in a neighborhood, where people took care of each other. And I think that the final piece is everybody had like another hustle, right? So it was like the job that they did, but you also cooked food on weekends. And I think that that entrepreneur spirit also came from seeing that people, you know, in that case, there was a lot of need to do it, because they had to supplement and me wanting to have the agency that that brought. So, yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would probably say of what I know of East New York back in the day, that definitely the directness.
Paula T. Edgar: That is true.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Influence that.
Paula T. Edgar: You're not wrong. You're not wrong.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Okay. So you spend most of Branding Room Only as a platform to help other people find their voice and their story. And you recently gave, what I believe is fair to say, was one of your most personal talks. And you did that in a pretty big setting, which was a conference. And I am curious, what made you not only ready to tell it, but tell it in that environment?
Paula T. Edgar: Well, two things, probably more than two things. I have spoken many, many times, very open about having lost my mother on September 11th and it being part of my life's work, to be able to lift up her name, Joan Donna Griffith, as not just a victim of September 11th, but for the life that she lived. And, you know, I've done a podcast with my dad talking about their life together and our lives together. But even the podcast with my father, while it was very personal, it wasn't me by myself. It was us. And he did a lot of the heavy lifting. And it wasn't, you know, the conference that Jacquette's talking about is Professional Development Consortium, which is a PDC conference, a summer conference they do every year. Which is essentially all law firm professional development and talent people, which is essentially the majority of my clients. And I have known that I've wanted to tell a deeper story. I've always assumed it was going to maybe be some kind of TED talk. And PDC has something called PDC Talks. Now, while I knew that and I saw it, I still was like, I'm all right, but this year is the 25th anniversary of 9-11. And I think there was some energy around that, that not wanting a quarter century, is that right, Math? Yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yes.
Paula T. Edgar: To have gone by and there be, I don't want any of my mother's impact or legacy to diminish. I want to make sure that it stays elevated. But the true story of what triggered it was part of Team Paula, which is my Reiki practitioner, which I think you're going to ask me about. But I will just say, I will just say that doing it at this time had to do with the time, the energy, the not wanting my mother's memory to fade. And also, I think, truthfully, I wanted to push myself, but I don't think I had grasped onto it directly yet at that point. I knew I wanted to do something that was going to stretch me. So, yes.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, I would love for you to talk a little bit more about your Reiki experience, because it's very somatic, right? Unlike talk therapy, which I think is also very important, that's talk, Reiki is more body and being in touch with that. So can you tell us what came through during that Reiki session? I know what the words were, but I don't know if you want me to say it, if you want to say it.
Paula T. Edgar: I'll say it.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Okay.
Paula T. Edgar: I will say it. So just to give a little bit of background, I have what I call Team Paula and those are the people who make sure that I show up for all of you, the way that I want to show up. And Jacquette is part of Team Paula as my coach. I have a therapist who I see weekly. And I also have a Reiki practitioner, Zeyda Rivera, who is fantastic, who I see twice a month. And I try to align it with things that I know are going to be stressful, or what have you, whatever the thing is. But this was just one, I think it was in March. I think it was in March, where it was one of our monthly meetings and then the sessions. And it's virtual, like you can do Reiki in person, you can also do Reiki virtual. And essentially Reiki is the practice of, it's an energetic practice. So the person who's a practitioner is focusing their energy on you and your energy and your chakras and trying to help clear them, et cetera. And yes, it's a little bit of woo-woo, but trust me when I say it woo-woo, it works. So she was doing that. And a lot of times in our sessions, I'm just kind of sitting there and she's kind of doing this stuff and I'm just relaxing. And then she'll tell me what comes up for her in the session. And she's very gifted. So she's not just a Reiki practitioner. I feel like she's got a lot of other stuff going on in there, definitely tied to some ancestral things. And she said, your mom said, turn off the lights. It's time. And I said, what? And she said, your mom said, she's like, I don't know what, does that have any meaning for you? And I was like, yeah. So my mother, in a joking way, she would go from her bedroom through like our living room area to the kitchen and then you have to pass it. And she would turn off the light basically as a joke, so I'd have to get up from the couch and I was like sitting on relaxing on it, in order to turn it back on. And it came through for me as a sign that my mom was saying that it's time to tell the story in the way that I had been maybe a little hesitant on, that I didn't think I was ready for. And then I, that sign made me immediately trust it. And right after I shut the computer down to talking to Zeyda for the Reiki session, I opened my inbox and it was an email saying, like, last chance to put in your session proposals for PDC. And I was like, OK, I think I know what I'm going to do. And I decided that it was going to be leadership lessons I learned 25 years after having lost my mom in 9-11. And it got selected.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yes, it certainly did. It certainly did. Oh my goodness. And I think what is so amazing about that is the fact that there's no way she would have known that, right? Because you had not mentioned that phrase to her before. So to me, that alone is what would have made me go, oh yeah. But then compounded by the synchronicity of the timing of you opening up your laptop, or your computer and seeing the email that says, hey, last call, you could not get a more glaring green light than that.
Paula T. Edgar: And for me, the it's time part too, was like, you don't have to wait till you're comfortable, progress over perfection, like all of the things that I tell other people, but I'm like, mm.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, when it's time to give yourself the medicine.
Paula T. Edgar: Exactly that. So it didn't mean that I was not hesitant, because I definitely was, you know that.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: But I did feel confidence that came from the alignment from the session. So yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I remember asking you, it may have even been in that conversation, or if not, it was the one immediately after. But I remember asking you to think of a specific moment, where you could still hear your mother's voice. And you landed on the last thing my mother said to me was, you've got to break up with that man.
Paula T. Edgar: Yes.
Jacquette M. Timmons: And my reaction was immediate. And I know what it was, we were going through your presentation deck. And then you had that. Or you had something. And then I asked you the question. And then when you said that, I was like, oh, no. You got to start with that. Because that's going to be the thing that's going to have everybody paying attention.
Paula T. Edgar: So, you know, one of the ways that Jack and I work together is to help me to kind of have a sounding board for like when I'm working things out, et cetera. And it's just helpful, because obviously I don't have coworkers, but I have my coach to help me with navigating some of the things I'm thinking about. And I had sort of drafted out what I wanted to say, but at the beginning of it… just wasn't, I didn't feel like it was hitting yet. And so she asked me this question. And when you asked me, I was like, well, I mean, the very last thing that she said to me, literally, on September 10th, 2001 was that. The backstory is that she was frustrated. She thought I was wasting my time with the guy I was living with. And fun fact, I was. And so, and it was just such a very mothering thing for her to have done too. And so, and you're right, it did land, it did land. And it felt immediately right for me too, when I said it, like when you asked the question. So, you know, like when you give a speech, there's a storytelling aspect and a lot of it that resonates for folks. And what I had, I had other stories, but the beginning story was what was missing for, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I appreciate the suggestion. It definitely hit right on the mark.
Jacquette M. Timmons: You are so welcome. You are so welcome. I'm glad it landed. And not only am I glad it landed with you, I'm glad it landed with your audience that were in that room, because we'll get to that too. But clearly a lot of people were impacted. So let's talk a little bit about what it takes to, as you're preparing for a talk in general, but especially one like this, where you can be so tied to wanting it to go a very particular way, because of the emotional magnitude. Can you talk about that shift that you made, in terms of starting off with wanting to memorize the whole talk and then pulling back and just focusing on the delivery? And what was the impetus for letting go of that initial game plan?
Paula T. Edgar: Y'all, I was driving myself crazy. I was driving myself crazy, because you all know I have a very high standard for myself and my own delivery. The same one I try to encourage in all of you to have that high standard for excellence, but I also don't love to practice. I like to know points and I like to be able to say like, okay, this is what I know I'm going to do it. And then the time frame, I know what the time frame is. And most of the time when I'm talking about it, it's just something that I know innately. Now, this was different, because it was 15 minutes. I do my intro in 15 minutes. Like, what are you talking about? I was like, what do you mean I have to do a full speech in 15 minutes? And so I was like, I have to memorize it, because I have to have my time cues down and I have to do this thing. And I was driving myself crazy. And the world is crazy enough. I didn't need to do that. And I knew my points.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: I knew the points. I knew the things that were going to trigger things. But I was like, I needed to make sure, like, the comma's here and I breathed deeply here and I turned my head to the left. Like, I was so... And I just sat with myself and I was like, you know what? Progress over perfection. Just so I started to just, I would just continue reading it, reading it, reading it. So I was getting the points and knowing the points over again. And I would test myself to kind of see if I could just do one, you know, Jacquette recommended, don't try to do all of it at one time, do it in five minutes, sort of.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Blocks…
Paula T. Edgar: Yeah, exactly. And that was helpful as well because, and we'll get to the actual day, but it was helpful that I did not rely on having to. And then I kind of like let go and was like, I'm going to also just bring paper with me. And if I need to, I will read from it and it'll be what it'll be. But there was definitely some things about the delivery that I didn't expect, which I know we're going to talk about.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And in what ways, maybe you've already described it, but if not, in what ways did this talk and this approach to it, how did it stretch you, when you think about, you know, preparing for a 15 minute talk, versus maybe a 60 minute or you know, more.
Paula T. Edgar: I mean, I don't like constraint, just in life, period.
Jacquette M. Timmons: You're like, I'll tell you when to stop. Don’t tell me when to stop.
Paula T. Edgar: I was like, what do you mean 15 minutes? And I do think, you know, I have been dabbling back and forth, double dutching for years now with the fact that I want to do a TED Talk. And I know that the reason why I want to do it, it's not just the platform, it is that I will have to be disciplined and that the discipline of it will stretch me. Like, you know, they say growth begins where comfort ends. I know that that's a place that's going to stretch me and grow me. And this did, even without me having to memorize, et cetera. So I know that when I eventually do a TED Talk, it will. But what truly made it so different and what stretched me, is the emotion. I am the expert in the room, like always, but I am not the subject of the expertise in the room. And I went about preparing this as if it was not emotional. Like very much like I was in another, like I was in some kind of like watching myself as opposed to experiencing it myself.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right, right.
Paula T. Edgar: Which is why I think it hit me so hard on the actual day, because I was like, here are the words, it's what you're going to do. And actually, two days before I traveled to go to Atlanta for PDC, I delivered this for my father. And that's when I was like, uh-oh, is this emotional? I was like, wait a minute, daddy, like why? I was like, why do you look like you're about to cry? I don't understand. So clearly I was a little delusional and that's all right. Yeah, that part.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Oh my God. That is so, so funny. So let me ask you about that, because I guess that speaks to the vulnerability piece. And I'm curious about that intersection of expertise and vulnerability and where might you think the vulnerability might dilute someone's expertise?
Paula T. Edgar: So, I am a big proponent, I think everybody knows, of authenticity. And I describe authenticity as a scale. So that it's not an on and off switch. It is a scale so that you should never, in my opinion, be someplace where you are inauthentic. That's not someplace you should be.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: But vulnerability is an on and off. I can decide if I'm vulnerable or not. And while I tell a lot of people a lot of things, I don't think a lot of people have the opportunity to get underneath the layers of Paula unless we are close, like unless I'm being strategic. And this decision was, I'm going to let people get underneath those layers that they don't normally do. And on one hand, it was freeing for me, and the other hand, it was frightening for me to do so, because I'm so, you know, listen, you're never going to see me outside without, like, my lipstick. Like, I've shown up the way I'm telling you to do and that's not inauthentic me, that's just who I am.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right, exactly.
Paula T. Edgar: But by who I am is curated, it very much is. So a part of it was me saying, whatever happens is going to happen and I don't know what's going to happen doing this, because you're going to get to that soft space that lives there. So, yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah. One of the reasons I was asking that is, because… and I know we probably share this tendency of being highly critical of ourselves and our performance more so than others. And you said when we were doing a debrief afterward that you would rate yourself as a 7.5, if you will, out of 10. And yet the room's response was entirely different than that. And so I am curious, what do you make of that gap between your self-evaluation and the audience's experience of your talk?
Paula T. Edgar: I am a child of immigrants. Jamaican Barbados, we didn't have A-minuses, we only had A's and A-pluses. And as such, I always have a very high standard for how I show up. And while I encourage people to be kind to themselves, I am kind to myself, but I'm also very exacting for myself, too. So I don't practice what I preach when it comes to this. And, you know, Jacquette, you know more than I do. There have been times when clients have been like, everything was great. And I was like, oh, my God, that sucked. The expectations that I have for myself and the way that I show up, are far beyond anybody else's expectations.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: I think that my 7.5 is somebody else's 12. And that's okay. I just have to be, the acknowledgement of it for myself just gives me a break, where I'm like, I just know that it's who I'm going to be for myself. But the way the room responded was very emotional. People came up to me, hugged me. I was the last speaker. So I kind of had the ability to be able to get the reaction immediately, there were three speeches in order. But even afterwards, what people said to me and how it connected with them and that they were quoting some of the things that I said, it really made me sure that it resonated, which is really what I wanted. Because it's my mother, because I feel so deeply about her legacy and you and I have that in common, as being in this club of having lost our moms, but knowing how much they meant to us and having ritual and making sure that they are remembered is important. And so I didn't want to mess it up, because she's my mama.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. She is mommy. One of the decisions that we talked through and this is a presentation style question, was actually opening your talk with just you being on stage. No, you know, deck slide or anything of that nature. Just you and the power of the first thing my mother said. Did you feel naked when you did that? And maybe not literally naked, but emotionally naked.
Paula T. Edgar: I was going to say, I did not feel naked, Jacquette.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Emotionally naked.
Paula T. Edgar: But I definitely felt, I felt out of my comfort zone. Because, you know, for any of you and I know a lot of you who are listeners are, you know, people who've seen me speak before, I always have a big old slide with my picture on it. That's starting up, that's starting up the thing being like, here I am, and I'm also in front of you and here's the title. And that was the next slide. But this initial slide and it was Jacquette’s suggestion to sort of make that first part land by not giving them any distractions besides me. But one thing that I did do, like, right after I said that first line, the first two lines was, I had gotten a scarf made with pictures of my mother and myself on it, to kind of just have as a hug, when I was on the stage. And I lifted it up to show the audience, which I hadn't planned. So I already was in this space of, uh-oh. I'm going by the emotion of what is happening, versus what I practice, because at no point did I practice that as a thing. But the emotion of the delivery was like, this is saying that this is what I should do. And you all should know the entire time from when I walked up on the stage, my mother was with me. I could feel her with me. And I kind of shored that up for myself by having this scarf. So I had it wrapped on me, when I came and I said that line. And then as I was walking over to the table, where I had my paper, my crutch, I held it up for them to see and then I laid the scarf down. And so, you know, even… I have to be able to sit and watch the video recording of it myself. But my husband, after he watched it, he came and he was like almost in tears. He was like, it was so good. And I was like, oh, my God. And he had seen me practice it more than anybody else. Right. So, yeah. Yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Oh, my God…
Paula T. Edgar: I showed up.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yes, yes, yes. I love that. I love that. And I'm really curious. to see how even just the seedling of that experience for you, the emotional part, how does that seep into how you approach other presentations moving forward?
Paula T. Edgar: Well, one of my clients was in the audience and she came up to me afterwards and she basically said, I like seeing this Paula. And it wasn't like, oh, I don't like the other Paula, but it was like another level, another layer of me. And I realized the impact of, you know, I will tell stories about other people in my presentations, but I really will be like, and then I, this thing and I think it gave me a little bit more confidence and desire to want to include some more of the me into what I do. Now, again, if you've seen me speak, there's a lot of me in what I do, but in a way in which people, we can connect a little bit more, because they see themselves in it too. Yeah. Yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah. It's not just entirely about the how-to's or the why-to's, right?
Paula T. Edgar: Right. Right.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah.
Paula T. Edgar: Right. The challenges and the emotion and, you know, even the happiness piece of it, you know, is what, like, the joy of it, is still a place of vulnerability to be able to talk about your experiences too. So, yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right. Right. But, dear listeners, only share what you've already processed. Don't cry just out loud on the stage. Don’t do that.
Paula T. Edgar: And you know, I'm glad that you just said that, Jaquette, because the other piece that was not a part of my calculation is that, and you know this, is that grief is not linear. And you don't know when it's going to hit you, or how it's going to hit you.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Exactly.
Paula T. Edgar: And so I would say, and you can ask my therapist, I've been processing grief for 25 years and yet, and yet, there was a wave of like, both sadness and joy that hit me, when I was doing this that I did not expect. Y'all are hearing me in the process of it still. Weeks after, I was like, ugh, I can’t believe that that happened, right. So yeah, yeah, definitely not what I'm used to.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, totally, totally. So let's dive in a little bit more about some of the people that came up to you afterward and not only talking with you about how they felt closer to you, like that person saying, I love seeing this new one. But also the person that came up to you and really appreciated the way in which the inclusivity that you spoke of, came into play, because this person was, or is Muslim and you share an aspect of how that played out and some of the things that were happening post 9-11. So can you talk a little bit more about that?
Paula T. Edgar: Yeah. I told, one of the lessons that I told was amplified by sharing a story, which I'm not going to share the story in full here, because I want you to go and watch my… I'm going to release the speech as a podcast so you can go listen to it. But essentially there was a lot of Islamophobia that happened post 9-11. And in particular, there was a lot of trying to engage victims' families around not supporting people of Muslim faith. And my mother literally let anybody into our home, right? She was the kind of person that she was, was so inclusive. I really learned a lot about being open and sharing. And if you have, then you should give from my mother. And so to be aligned with anything that was hateful, or anti-anything, was not something that I could allow our family and my mother's legacy to be aligned with. And I shared that in my speech and someone in the audience who was there came and said that, you know, he really appreciated that I elevated that as part of one of the leadership lessons. That people, not only that my mother taught me, but that people should also be embodying.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right, right, right. In what ways does what you've just shared, how does that piggyback onto what you were talking about earlier with regard to authenticity being on a scale and vulnerability being something you can turn on and turn off? Like, how does that show up in a situation like this?
Paula T. Edgar: I mean, the talk was authentic, right? It was me, it was my story, et cetera. But it was vulnerable, because I was sharing my grief. I was sharing my family's grief, I was sharing our experiences and I was kind of sharing the path of how I got to them, to the audience. And, you know, most of the folks who were there did not know my story, even though I have, you know, you and I talk about this all the time, that even though I shared my mother's story and shared our experience a lot, and, you know, podcasts, articles, etc. I have a page on my website, there was still, I would say the majority of people did not know that this was my personal story. So, there was the connection of them very used to seeing me as like, flashy Paula, personal brand Paula, you know, speaking Paula, engaging Paula, trusted advisor Paula, who is going to tell you the thing, tell you how to do it, tell you how to get it done, but not vulnerable Paula, right? Not Paula whose origin story dictates how she got to them. And I do think that that's what shifted for them a lot and also shifted for me, because we see a lot of people who we see their end result, but we don't see the path to their product.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Absolutely.
Paula T. Edgar: Right. And so I gave them the opportunity to see that, but also to see that I also wasn't and never will be over it. But I'm still feeling the loss of my mother. And one of the things that I said is that it pains me that she is not here to see some of the things that I've gotten to experience. And yet I still am able to tap into those lessons, because she told me them, even though she didn't say there's a leadership lesson, that's how she raised me.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right, right, exactly. It was interesting, because right around the time of me acknowledging the anniversary of my mother's death, earlier this month as of when we were recording, I came across this quote that said, not verbatim, I can't remember verbatim, but what stuck with me was, death just means the person is no longer here, but that doesn't mean the end of your relationship. And I was just like, whew. So the relationship continues, the connection continues. So yeah.
Paula T. Edgar: That resonates a lot. And, you know, I would never wish this on anybody that to be a part of this club. And yet we know that that is our inevitable, right? Like that losing our parents and that death is something that we will all experience at some point. The thing that I feel about grief is that there is some joy in grief, right? Like I love being able to say I experienced my mother, right? And I'm also sad that I cannot wrap my hands around my mother, but I'm more joyful about having been raised by her and experienced her, than I am sad about having lost her.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yes. Yes.
Paula T. Edgar: And it's hard to explain that to folks who have not had loss, because you know, one of the ways that I experience the joy is to continue to elevate her name, right?
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, absolutely.
Paula T. Edgar: And to be able to, like, and to say, like, if you know me, you know her. I am an embodiment of who the woman who raised me, my parents who raised me, but my father will admit the woman who raised me.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: And that exactingness and my want for excellence and even the way I dress and the way I speak, all of that comes from my mother being like, when you walk out of this house, don't embarrass me. My kids will always say, mommy, I know I'm leaving the house. And remember, I'm an Edgar. I'm like, yep. And so I'm passing down the same lessons to my children as well.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right, to your children.
Paula T. Edgar: Exactly.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Oh my God. So speaking about our debriefing session, when we had it, you said something along the lines of it can be okay not to show up exactly how you planned. So can you walk us through what triggered that self-talk and what gave you the permission to do that, to unlock that permission for yourself?
Paula T. Edgar: So during the delivery of the sessions, there was three 15-minute talks. The first talk was on time. The second talk went over about eight minutes. And that had me feeling a little unsteady going into starting my talk, because I am so used to rule following and I had prepared for everything to be very specific, et cetera. And so I felt a little shaky as I got on to the stage. And right before I got on, two things happened. One, Burt, for those of you who are listening who are PDC, as you know, Burt Lipshie, he is great. One of the first people who ever hired me to speak at the firm, but he hugged me and said, it's okay if you cry. And I was like, oh, why are you setting me up like this? Oh my gosh. And then the second part was Christine Clap, shout out to her from Spoken With Authority. Her colleague was the person who did the talk right before mine, but she was at my table and she was, she basically was like, you got this. And then shout out to Corey Carew, who again, has been on the podcast and who you all know, she followed me throughout the room, so that she was at a table, where I could make eye contour. So she was like my emotional support, Corey. And so I felt a little bit better. And I just said, like, let, like, you know, the saying, let go and let God, let me just let go and see what happens. And so at first I was going to stand at the podium and then I was like, oh, it's going to block my outfit, if I stand on the podium, I don't want to do that. And again, personal branding, y'all. And then there was a table that was there and I was like, I can put the speech on the table. And when I got emotional, a little bit shaky, I would just look at the page, right? So that it gave me an anchor, a crutch that I could lean into, which didn't feel like cheating. But before I conceptualized it, I felt like if I did that, it would feel like cheating. Because I had imagined myself being like, you know how you see the people on stages at conferences and they got that like Janet Jackson microphone on and they're like pointing. I saw myself being like, yes, like pleasure principle.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: But that is not what happened.
Jacquette M. Timmons: You're soon to be TED Talk, right?
Paula T. Edgar: Like my soon to be TED Talk. But what I got was I literally felt unstable and needed something to lean on at points. So I would walk over and start at the beginning where I knew really well and then walk back over and be like, now what do I have to say now? And then walked back over. And also the other piece that I didn't mention, or maybe I did, but we had engaged a videographer to video this. I also knew that everything was being recorded. So I was like, oh my God, like. You can all hear it, but I have now given myself permission to not show up as I prepared or expected. That doesn't mean that I'm not showing up with excellence and that doesn't mean it won't resonate for the folks who are in the space. And to be frank with myself, I got to give myself a little bit of a break. Right? Like it is what it is. It's probably not very healthy for me to feel this way about myself and all the things I do. But, you know, Jacquette knows more than most, I am very, very exacting with myself. I just have a high standard and I'm not ashamed of it. But I also know that sometimes it doesn't serve you. So this practice, this experience gave me a little bit of confidence and social proof that when you do and let go a little bit, it's still OK.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, and I think the other thing that what you've just described speaks to is that because you are prepared, it allows you to be flexible and to adjust to, you know, unforeseen circumstances much more smoothly than would be the case if you were not prepared.
Paula T. Edgar: Yes.
Jacquette M. Timmons: So yes, I don't hear you in any way saying don't prepare. Oh, no, no, no. Like be prepared, but know that that preparation does not mean rigidity. It means being fluid and it means being flexible.
Paula T. Edgar: Yeah. And for the folks who are out there who are, you know, who are speakers or who want to do presentations, also, I think one of the lessons I got was to honor the preparation, but definitely to honor the moment.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yes.
Paula T. Edgar: Yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah. Totally. Totally. Totally. Be present.
Paula T. Edgar: Yes.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yes. Right. Be present. So in what way has sharing your story in this way expanded how you think about branding and the extent to which it involves bringing your quote-unquote personal self to the professional table?
Paula T. Edgar: Well, all of you as my listeners know that I don't use the term professional brand. I say all of it as a personal brand. And for me, this experience was like, this is a personal, personal brand.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Double personal.
Paula T. Edgar: Exactly, it is, right, it is bold and italics personal. And that, you know, truly, we always show up personally, but the people may not actually understand that that's what is coming. But to what I said before, it gave me the confidence to be like, all right, like, it's okay if I share something a little bit more vulnerable. Like, I can do it about other people. Like, I talk about my son, be that, that's okay. But about me, it, you know, again, it is, to your point about processing, I think that this is the time that it had to be, because I was ready to have this as comfort and do the thing. Ten years ago, probably not, right?
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: And so it also reminded me of the evolution of my personal brand.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: And for those of you, you know, I've had this conversation many times, your brand should not stay static. It's supposed to evolve as you evolve. And I have learned through the process of grief, but also through my work as an entrepreneur and, you know, having a business and delivering to other people and being an empath. All of those things together are part of my personal brand and how I show up. And I think that what is going to happen is that people will see more of that now, because the seal is broken. The package is open. You cannot put that stuff back in. Literally.
Jacquette M. Timmons: You heard the pop when you turned this thing, right?
Paula T. Edgar: Exactly. Exactly.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Oh my God. So if someone listening has a version of this and meaning a story that they've been keeping separate from their professional self for any number of reasons, what would you tell them about the cost of keeping it separate, versus the risk and I would say the reward of bringing it forward?
Paula T. Edgar: I think the first thing that I want to remind everybody is what Jacquette said before, is that you don't owe anyone your story. You don't have to be vulnerable with people. And particularly if you have not processed yet, don't push yourself to do something that you're not ready for, because trauma is real. And just because somebody thinks it’ll make good content doesn't necessarily mean that you're ready to do so. So that's the first thing. I then think, thinking about what keeping the story in or separate, may be costing you. Like, is it requiring you not to show up as an authentic person? Is it preventing people from understanding your story, your motivation, et cetera? Like, what is it that people are not getting, right? To the point of my client being like, oh, I like this Paula. Like, there's something that I was holding back that folks didn't have a chance to see. The other piece is there is a risk in sharing. When you open yourself up, people then have more ability to judge, to poke at those spaces. They have a place in which they know that is a vulnerable soft spot for you. I'm a lawyer. We don't like risk. People may also misunderstand you or misjudge you. There's just all kinds of things when you open up.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: So that risk is real. That being said, to your point about the reward. I think before you tell your story, I think I would ask myself, why? Why now? Who can benefit? And how can this help me? And am I ready for what that range of responses might be?
Jacquette M. Timmons: Right.
Paula T. Edgar: And then if the answers are more yeses than nos in those things, then that's when you're trying to make the decision. But, you know, one of the things that I was, I think a little bit shaky on was, I didn't want anybody to think about my credibility. Because I am very much credible as somebody who does what I do, like I'm very good in professional development, etc. But when you become vulnerable, it takes off some of the, you know, the shine. It gets a little gritty. And so I think that a lot of people who want to separate the personal and the professional, may be thinking about that too. Like, I don't want people to think of me differently as a professional. Like when I talk to leaders, a lot of times they don't want to be vulnerable, because they don't want people to think of them as less of a leader. But what I have learned, especially from the response to this talk, has been that it has elevated the perception of me as a leader, as a professional development, as a speaker, because of the emotion that it touched in other people. And that because they understood a little more about how I show up and why I show up the way that I do. So, the risk was worth the reward. And I think that you don't have to do it in full. You don't have to do it as a PDC or a TED Talk, but you can do it slowly in day to day things with people who, you know, at first are a little more comfortable with, you know, to kind of test the waters. But I can tell you that I don't regret having done it.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Yeah, I'm so glad you don't regret it, because I think it has been so impactful. And I think not only was your talk impactful, but I think even just us having this conversation and sharing the journey of it for others, one of the reasons why I think it's impactful is because it really dives into the human connection. And, you know, as I was listening, I was thinking about how, I think it also helps to expand how we define risk, because so often it is defined solely through the lens of what can be lost. But we don't think about it through the lens of the opportunity cost of, well, what might we miss out on if we don't do A, B, C, or D?
Paula T. Edgar: It's a great point. I think I'm sure I still haven't felt the full breadth of the benefit of having done this. Right. Because I think vulnerability brings people closer to you. And, you know, when it comes to branding, people work with and engage people who they like, they respect and they trust. And I think that that can only be amplified or intensified when you have that vulnerability and that share. And I think it's also why I become friends with a lot of my clients, because that vulnerability and sharing happens on a smaller scale. This just happened to be a [inaudible 00:47:27].
Jacquette M. Timmons: The whole world to see.
Paula T. Edgar: The whole world. All of them. All of them. My goodness.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Oh my goodness. Well, as we wrap up our time together, is there anything else that you think would be really impactful for folks right now to walk away with? Let me ask it this way.
Paula T. Edgar: Sure, sure.
Jacquette M. Timmons: What's one thing you would want someone to do after listening to our conversation today?
Paula T. Edgar: Be brave. I think, be brave. Do the thing that might be a little bit hard and that you've been hesitating on. Don't live in the what you could not do before. I think dive into the what you might be able to do now. And the benefit of having done this is that I can say that I've done it now. I'm excited to do something else that will stretch me, too, even though it will be hard. We can do hard things and wait and see what rewards, or what lessons come from being brave. And I say that meaning putting yourself out there on LinkedIn for your brand. I mean, speaking up in a meeting, it doesn't have to be a full scale speech, but I mean doing something that may feel a little bit uncomfortable. Again, growth begins where comfort ends, but will lean into your growth. So, yeah.
Jacquette M. Timmons: I love that. And I think going back to one of the things that you mentioned at the very top about joyful, I think one of the things that you're talking about is that joy doesn't necessarily only have to come from things that are easy. It can come from stepping into that brave space.
Paula T. Edgar: There is a clip right there. Because, I mean, it is true. And without the sort of specific alignment, there are times, you know, we think, I can't do that. That is so hard. And then when you do it, it's like, I did that. There's the joy. I'm like, oh, yeah, I was able to do that thing. And it can't be taken away from you, right? That experience and the growth that you got from what led up to it. Imagine what it's like for people who run a marathon. I will never do that, so I don't know. But you worked really hard to get there and then you accomplished it and you got this medal. I kind of feel like I did that. I did the prep, and then I did the thing. And yes, I didn't get the time that I wanted, but I crossed the finish line.
Jacquette M. Timmons: Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, goodness. Well, thank you for letting us turn the tables in the Branding Room Only space. And it has been such an honor to ask you these questions, especially on something that is so deeply personal and just meaningful, just not only to you, but also to me and everybody else I would imagine as well. So thank you so much.
Paula T. Edgar: And thank you, Jaquette, for your partnership and your foot in my back through this whole process. And I'm really glad that I was able to do this debrief with you, because you know it more than most. And everybody, send this to a friend who you know might be a little nervous to do something that doesn't necessarily feel that they want to be vulnerable. There's a power in it. And as this podcast is here to help you think about your brand, remember always to stand by your brand. And we'll see you next time in the Branding Room. Bye, y'all.
That's it for this episode. I appreciate you hanging out with me on Branding Room Only. Now, please do me a quick favor, head over to RateThisPodcast.com/branding, so more people can join this conversation. And make sure to stop by PaulaEdgar.com/events, to see what's next. Whether I'm live, online or in person, I'd love to see you there.
See you next time in the Branding Room. And until then, stand tall, shine bright and always stand by your brand.
